Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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