I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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