It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
