Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
