just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
