Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The ass gains better be worth it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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