so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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