Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
