if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
