apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
