It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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