is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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