apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
