I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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