I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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