now i know why i became what i already was.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
