I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
