So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
