Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
