I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
