Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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