Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Houston, we have a squirter
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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