if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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