when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
