So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
