Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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