My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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