Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
