I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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