He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
