if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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