so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
