I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
