I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You are the jesus of drinking
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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