Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
