how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
