Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
