so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
