And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
