there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just high enough for therapy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
