He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
