I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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