just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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