I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
