At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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