Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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