it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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