then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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