If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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