I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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