Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
