Your mouth is God's brothel.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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