no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
