went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
