YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
